I’m Sorry, Lindsay…

About three weeks ago, I commented on Lindsay Lohan’s egotistical claim that the baby Lindsay in the E*Trade ‘Milkaholic’ commercial is a slandering characterization of her. She filed a lawsuit in the amount of $100 million for defamation of character. Now, I myself, unloaded on Miss Lohan in that post, and for that I must now apologize. During my study of vanity and narcissism, in order to determine the level of egotism Miss Lohan’s lawsuit displayed, I discovered that she maybe suffering from mental affliction recognized by the American Psychiatric Association.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in a variety of situations and environments.
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
• Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
• Requires excessive admiration
• Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
• Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
• Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
• Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
• Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. (Grohol)
NPD, also known as ‘Head-Up-Your-Ass Disease’, is usually contracted by young children who star in hit television shows or movies. There have been epidemic breakouts in the past at Disney Studios and Nickelodeon Studios. Complications from NPD include the delusion that just because they acted on children’s television shows, they can act in movies aimed at adults. They also tend to believe that they have to record an album, even though they have no musical ability at all. NPD sufferers’ relationships are often affected by their disease, also. The most common ways are by getting knocked-up and marrying a wanna-be rapper, or to pretending to be gay for attention. But, no matter which relationship road is chosen, they feel that they must release a sex tape. The afflicted must also irreparably destroy the relationship with his or her parents, while the parents try to mooch off of the child’s success. Some of the troubled will also feel the need to star in reality television programs.
Again, I wish to apologize to Miss Lohan. I now see that my initial judgment of your actions may have been unfair to you. The enablers that surround you like your attorney, Stephanie Ovadia, who have convinced you that you are on the same level as Oprah and Madonna, should be ashamed of themselves. Head-Up-Your-Ass Disease must be a terrible thing to live with, and I hope that you will seek the professional attention available to you.


About Richard Howk

Fiction author with my first novel, Pariah, available December 2nd.
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2 Responses to I’m Sorry, Lindsay…

  1. I have to say, every time I come to richardhowk.wordpress.com you have another exciting article up to read. A friend of mine was talking to me about this topic several weeks ago. I think I will e-mail them the url here and see what they say.

    • richardhowk says:

      First of all, thanks for dropping by. I am trying to make a concerted effort to write a little something everyday. Practice makes perfect, so I need a lot of practice.

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