Editorial Note: This is a column that I’m going to experiment with to see how well it goes over. Its possible inclusion as a regularly appearing feature will depend solely on reader response.
The list of stories I’ve selected for the first edition of this piece reads like scenes from cheap, tawdry romance novel. We have a break-up, a heartfelt plea for reconciliation, two pornos, an actor returning to the bong, and people walking naked in public. This stuff is better than fiction, and I don’t even have to make it up.
It ‘Tis the Season to Roll a Doobie
Kal Penn is returning to Hollywood after a hiatus to take a position with the Obama administration as associate director of public engagement. Penn was playing the role of Dr. Lawrence Kutner on FOX’s hit television show “House” when he was offered the position by the White House. The writers’ for House wrote his character off by having Kutner commit suicide, thus freeing up his schedule.
As much as I like Kal Penn, this story wouldn’t normally make my blog if that was the only headline, but there is much more to this story. Penn is set to reprise his role as pot-loving Kumar Patel with John Cho (Flash Forward) coming back as Harold Lee in A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas. Yes, that’s right, a Harold and Kumar Christmas movie and the best part is that it’s rumored to be in 3-D. The only way this could get better is if they pass out the chronic at the theater.
Editorial Note: Richard Howk and RichardHowk.com do not condone the use of illegal drugs unless you have a medical marijuana prescription. If you do, then make sure to smoke enough to give everyone in the theater a second-hand high.
Guns N’ Roses Reconciliation?
Slash has extended the figurative hand of friendship to former band-mate Axl Rose in an attempt to end the decade and a half feud between the two. In the New York Post, Slash said that it’ll be up to Rose if he wants to repair the relationship. “I’m more stand-offish because I know how vehemently he hates me,” Slash said of Rose.
I’m not the biggest GN’R fan in the world, but I can not deny this would be an epic reunion. And maybe, just maybe, we can get the rest of the Guns N’ Roses catalog in Rock Band. We got stuck with that so-called album, Chinese Democracy, and it’s about time Axl ponies up the good stuff in return.
Twitter = This Decade’s Press Release
News from the Twitter wire is that actor Jim Carrey and MILF Jenny McCarthy have ended their five-year relationship. Carrey posted to his Twitter account that, “Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I’m grateful 4 the many blessings we’ve shared and I wish her the very best!” (I can’t believe I’m quoting tweets. Folks, this is real journalism here!) McCarthy confirmed the former couple’s status later from her Twitter account, saying, “Jim Carrey has a small winkie!”
And in related news, rumor has it that Jennifer Love Hewitt, fresh off her break-up with her Ghost Whisperer co-star Jamie Kennedy, is dating McCarthy’s ex-husband, John Asher. Why doesn’t he just stamp “I Love Boobs” across his forehead?
Spank You for Being a Friend
In news of the vomiting nature, porn production company New Sensation has announced an upcoming adult film entitled The Golden Girls – An All MILF XXX Parody! If you thought Blanche Devereaux was horny before… Let’s just pray to God that Betty White does not reprise her role for this version.
Not to be outdone, Hustler Video has announced plans for an adult film based on the Fox teen show, Glee!. The film, to be called This Ain’t Glee XXX!, started filming yesterday and will be released on DVD and BluRay today.
Happy Birthday Suit, Mr President
The Dallas Police Department is up in arms over the latest video shoot by singer Erika Badu for her latest single, Window Seat. In the video, Badu strolls butt-naked down Dealey Plaza, the site of President John F. Kennedy’s assassination. The Dallas PD’s initial problem was that, even though she did her video shoot in a public setting, no one complained. After publicly coercing someone to come forward, a lady obliged the cops and filed a complaint against the singer. Badu faces a $500 fine for public indecency in front of a minor (the lady’s kid). At this time, Badu should just pay the fine and call it an advertising expense because there is no other way that half a grand could ever buy all the national media attention this has garnered. Besides, come on, Erika! Appearing in the buff in your video? Seriously? The 1990’s called and they want their video back. Of course, they called me too and wanted their “some-decade-called-and-they-want-their-something-back” phrase back.