It’s Always Sunny In Seattle

In preparation for my trip to the Seattle area, I did what any normal tourist would do, check the 10-day forecast on weather.com for the area.  Little did I know with this simple act I was beginning down a road that would lead me to uncover the greatest conspiracy in Seattle history since Kurt Cobain’s untimely demise.

Weather.com told me that upon my arrival I should expect a couple days of rainy weather, but that the week would be filled with glorious amounts of sunshine and highs in the mid-70’s.  My wife and I were ecstatic at our bit of serendipitous luck that we chose a week with such a splendid forecast.  We could endure a couple days of crappy weather if the payoff was a weeks worth of sun in the Emerald City.

The weekend was as dreary as had been promised by the internet meteorologists.  But, we were told by people from the area that even this spell of precipitation was a snafu in what is otherwise beautiful summer conditions.  One of our friends even went on to boast that the area “has America’s Best Kept Secret… it actually doesn’t rain all the time in Seattle.”  At this, my curiosity was piqued, but I dismissed it because I didn’t know much about the Seattle area.  Maybe all the rain-hype was just that – hype.

As the weekend turned into the week and the sun had yet to show its face, my suspicions were aroused again.  The explanation I was hearing now was that this was an odd summer, and not indicative of a normal Seattle summer.   I began to doubt all that I was being told by the people around me.  This time I did a little investigative reporting and searched around for the normal rainfall in the Seattle metroplex.  I found that indeed this was an odd summer, it has had less rainfall than the normal summer season.

Now it was on!  I was bound and determined to blow this conspiracy out of the water.  I contacted an old friend of mine who had lived in the Seattle area for years, and under the condition of complete anonymity, she decided to turn whistle-blower against the town she had called home.

Miss X told me that when she first moved to the Great Northwest she was approached by two gentlemen dressed all in black who said they were from the Seattle Information Bureau.  These SIB’s instructed her to tell anyone who asks her that it’s always sunny in Seattle.  If she didn’t, she was warned there would be repercussions.

My friend was never one to take being extorted in stride.  As her little rebellion against the SIB’s, she told her mother about what happened in a private phone conversation.  For the next month, my friend thought she had gotten away with breaking their rule.  Until the day she opened her PUD bill (utility bill for those of you outside of the Seattle area) and found a $500 charge.  The charge was labelled “this is your first and last warning, do not let it happen again.”

I know the danger I am placing myself and my family under by divulging these secrets to the general public, but I feel these SIB’s can no longer go on spreading their lies about the climate of the Seattle area.  It does rain all the time in Seattle and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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About Richard Howk

Fiction author with my first novel, Pariah, available December 2nd.
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