Tinseltown Talk – Vol. 1, Ed. 2

In a pure grab for website hit count, I bring to you the second edition on Tinseltown Talk.  The first edition still holds the record for most hits on my site in a single day.  While I will not reveal the number of hits due to its pathetic and embarrassing nature, let’s just say that a record breaking number of hits today is well within our collective grasps.  In this issue, we will take at look at Miley Cyrus on SNL, Justin Bieber’s journey in to womanhood, Jersey Shore, the next piece of real estate Donald Trump is eying, and the man who keeps on winning… Charlie Sheen.

Miley Cyrus Doing Justin Bieber

After taking a brutal beating by the media over the past couple of years, Miley Cyrus took the stage at Saturday Night Live and threw a few jabs of her own.  She threw punches at virtually every celebrity who has ever done anything wrong in her opening monologue song “I’m Sorry I’m Not Perfect.”  The 18 year-old Cyrus showed she could take as well as she dished it out, allowing the SNL actors to poke fun of her on stage. One such instance was “The Miley Cyrus Show” skit, in which Miley portrayed teen dream Justin Bieber…

All in all it was a pretty good SNL in a season where those are rare.  Speaking of Justin Bieber…

The Many Faces of Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber has appearantly grown tired of his image that some have called effeminate.  A few weeks ago the 17 year-old singer checked himself into a barbershop and trimmed his trademark mop top for a more masculine look.   His Twitter account immediately lost 80,000 followers, but he did sale the hair on eBay to the tune of $40,668 for charity. But, according to his tweet late Saturday, Bieber is not done trying to show us he really is male after all.  “im not shaving for a month so you all can see my mustache.. im pumped,” Bieber wrote.  So, I, being a mustacheod man myself, have decided to help Justin out and present him with some options from the vast world of mustaches.

The Bandit

THE BANDIT

Made famous by Burt Reynolds and Ron Burgandy, this mustache is the epitome of 1970’s machismo.  Bieber has the fame to bring the sexy back with this iconic look, although he may lack the chest hair that completes repertoire.

The Magnum P.I.

THE MAGNUM P.I.

Tom Selleck developed this more full-bodied version of The Bandit during the 1980’s and it took his career like Lane Frost rode a bull.  Unfortunately, for Selleck’s career and for Frost, both died in 1989.  Bieber does have the star-power to at least resurrect the mustache, though.

 

The Pedro

THE PEDRO

When Napoleon Dynamite campaigned for his good friend, Pedro, for Student Body President, he was ostensibly campaigning for the return of the mustache to its proper seat of power.  This look would be the easiest for a young Bieber to pull off as it doesn’t require much upper lip hair.

The Handlebar

THE HANDLEBAR

Rollie Fingers, a pitcher for the Oakland Athletics and Milwaukee Brewers in the 1970’s was one of the last people to sport this classic ‘stache, and it is long overdue for a comeback.  Biebs is one of the few who can make it happen.

 

The Nazi

THE NAZI

Although this look maybe not be the most popular among the Jewish community in Hollywood, it was the man, not the mustache that caused the atrocities of the holocaust.   Of course, calling it The Nazi probably isn’t going to assuage any negative stereotypes.

 

The Crazy Anti-Semite

THE CRAZY ANTI-SEMITE

Closely related to the The Nazi is The Crazy Anti-Semite currently worn by Mel Gibson.  It is also reminiscent of the ‘stache displayed by Kenneth Branaugh as Dr. Arliss Lovelace in the movie Wild Wild West, and if colored grey, you can pass as Colonel Harland Sanders.

 

 

The Vendetta

THE VENDETTA

Born of the graphic novel, V for Vendetta, and the movie of the same name, The Vendetta comes from the Guy Fawkes mask worn by the anarchist revolutionary “V” in the series.

 

 

The Wario

THE WARIO

One of the few entrants from the 1990’s, The Wario was the trademark of Mario and Luigi’s arch-nemesis Wario.  This particular mustache is a pain in the rump to upkeep, but we all know Bieber doesn’t shave his own face so it’s no sweat of off his back.

 

 

The Bieber

THE BIEBER

Okay, here would be an original all unto his own.  The idea is to take his old haircut and apply it to his mustache.  The drawback would be the same as his former do.  He was complaining how it was always in his eyes.  Well, the mustache version would always be in his mouth.  It is also a variation on The Wilford Brimley.

 

The Richard Howk

THE RICHARD HOWK

And finally, I present The Richard Howk.  Some people refer to it as a goatee, but was photoshopped from my very own face, so this one is The Richard Howk.  I was surprised how well it looked on Justin that I decided to make it a choice as well.

 

 

 

You too can help Justin on his way to adulthood by voting which mustache is the right one for the Biebster!

On Jersey’s Needle Infested Shores

Jersey Shore sucks, and doesn’t deserve the 18 words I spent on this!

Hail to the Boss!

If reports are to be believed, then the 2013 season of  The Apprentice could be taking place from the White House.  The Daily News is reporting that Donald Trump has sent some of his associates to Iowa to begin looking at the possibility of a run for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012.  The Donald intends to make any decision on a run for the Presidency by June 2011.  The Iowa causes are set for February 6, 2012.

Breaking News:  Charlie Sheen has Lost His Freaking Mind!

In case you’ve been vacationing in Tibet last two months, let me catch you up on the last couple of months of the life of Charlie Sheen.  In the wee hours of January 27th, Charlie was taken to Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles for tripping balls too hard after a party at his residence.  Judging by his behavior after leaving the hospital, he was treated for his substance abuse by receiving an emergency full lobotomy.

Soon after that, the producers of Sheen’s hit-comedy show Two and a Half Men placed the show on hiatus before eventually cancelling the rest of this season entirely.  This sent Sheen over the edge, and combine that with his recent brain removal, it has provided the world with some of the best comedy of his career, and one of the biggest meltdowns since Mel Gibson’s anti-semitic tirade of 2006.  I’ll leave it to DJ Steve Porter to bring you a greatest hits collection of Charlie’s antics over the past month in a mashup that won TMZ’s Winning contest called Sheen Hop…

Infamous insane man and friend of Charlie, Gary Busey, told People magazine that, “Charlie is in a tailspin.  The advice I have for him is to look at himself and the truth in his heart, because what he’s doing is not true to his heart.”  And when Gary Busey is telling you that you are off your rocker, it’s time to sit down and take a hard long look at yourself because Gary knows crazy.

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About Richard Howk

Fiction author with my first novel, Pariah, available December 2nd.
This entry was posted in Editorial, Entertainment. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Tinseltown Talk – Vol. 1, Ed. 2

  1. Shayla says:

    I like reading an article that will make men and women think.

    Also, thank you for allowing me to comment!

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