Fat Shaming Myself

If you have seen my head shot for my book cover on my various social media platforms, you might have said to yourself, “Man, Richard’s kind of a big boy.” To that I would say, “Thank you!” Because big boy is putting it mildly, more over, it’s a straight up lie. I’m Fat. F-A-T, Fat.


The Power of Photoshop

Pictures in this day and age can be deceiving. It takes a lot of work to make me look as good as that photo does. Great lighting, perfect angles, and a crap load of Photoshop are just a few of the things that went into that photo. Just look at the before and after.

Now, the tone of this post might seem like it is taking a dark turn, but hold in there. It’s always darkest before the dawn, and like a Jane Austen novel, I promise you a happy ending. Think of this as the first step of a 12-step program. Admit that you are powerless against your affliction, and that your life had become unmanageable.

“My name is Richard Howk, and I am fat. It’s been two days since I’ve had biscuits and gravy.”

You might think I’m being harsh to myself, but try being my bathroom scale. I got on it this morning and it read “oL.” Which I can only guess means, “Get off of me you fat bastard. You’re crushing me.” But, seriously, I weigh too much for the scale to measure. Let that sink in a bit. Talk about your wake-up calls.

I have battled with weight issues my whole life. And recent life events haven’t made it any easier. For the first time, I’m on medication for depression. I’m lonely most of the time, and I’m so stressed out about this book that I can’t control it. While I hide it pretty well emotionally, my waistline doesn’t lie.


Dinner for a New Richard

Now, for the happy ending. I have decided to stop battling against weight issues and just win the damn war, once-and-for-all. That means not a diet, but a change of the way I do things in my life. My life has been food-centric forever. If I was celebrating an event, there was a cake. If I went out, it was dinner and then an activity, but always dinner. Yes, we have to eat (which is what makes weight issues such a hard fight), but eating doesn’t have to be a part of everything we do.

If I were to compare it to a relationship, I would have to say that I am in love with food. But, food doesn’t feel that way about me. It’s probably best if food and I are just friends. I have become too needy, and I need to step back and concentrate on myself.

Why do I bother making a public post about this? Because no one person can win a war on their own, no matter how much John Rambo would have us believe otherwise, it can’t be done. I need your help. For my family, friends, and the new followers of my writing, this is a call to arms. I need every man, woman, and child for encouragement and accountability.

I will thank you in advance for your help. So, not only will we be counting down to the release of Pariah, but we will be counting down the pounds as well. I truly am blessed to have all of you in my life, now it’s time to get healthy so I can enjoy these blessings as long as I possibly can. Love you all!





About Richard Howk

Fiction author with my first novel, Pariah, available December 2nd.
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2 Responses to Fat Shaming Myself

  1. Bonnie E. says:

    my husband is about 345 pounds he was a big man going into the relationship but not this big… we have been married for 5 years and he has totally let himself go. Which would not be an issue for me if it weren’t for the health problems that come with it.. to begin, he wound up getting gangrene a year before he met me and almost lost his sack, the hospital saved his life and saved that, he had to wear a colostomy bag, he got gangrene because he didn’t know he had diabetes and his sugar got extremely high… you would think near death would have scared him, but no… I met him he was still packing down the most unhealthiest food he could find. I’m into healthy eating and looking good I’m 132 pounds.. his eating did not bother me until… we decided to have a child… I have 3 kids that he step father’s and my youngest is his.. while I was pregnant he took a heart attack and almost died again , had a Stent put in.. THAT experience SCARED him, he started walking the lake with me, eating only what the doctor told him… he gave up the soda, burgers (unless they were over 90 percent fat free turkey) , donuts and fries . he lost alot of weight , he looked the healthiest he had ever looked and was more active as the year went on food started looking appetizing to him again as the scare of it all wore off, we had our daughter and a year later he was back up in pounds again , he gained 50 pounds and kept trying to tell me he wasn’t sneaking that kind of food until I found pieces of fries and donut in his car that must have dropped, I was quite disappointed he’s already 45 and his daughter needs Her daddy alive… sure enough he gets a small cut on his toe ..being a diabetic cuts are not your friend , it wouldn’t heal… they tried skin graphs and everything he got cellulitis and it spread to his bone , they had to take his toe, even that didn’t stop him, he now is so big he’s always tired, stopped playing with the kids, never wants to go out, doesn’t leave his chair , always sleeping, our daughter always says daddy will you play and he always finds a reason not to, he just keeps eating and getting bigger… he now 2 huge cuts on his leg that are not healing, have a feeling he is going to lose that leg now too… you have to think about health, it’s not about the weight, I still find him extremely attractive, I like bigger guys but his health and attitude toward his life is not attractive.. the fact he’s now a decoration on our couch and not a father is not attractive… There’s a point you have to do this for you. You reconize the weight and are making a few small changes, give yourself credit, the food is definately not more important than your life.

  2. Brenda Hyslip says:

    Eat to live, don’t live to eat and the pounds will disappear.

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